TIED AND BREASTED
Steffan Chirazi
"WHAT THE Hell's gahnin' on HEE-OR, then?" as Vic Reeves would say. "Well," as Bob Mortimer would almost certainly reply, "Big Sick Ugly Jim has fallen! Fallen in with some very POO-ER company indeed..."
The company, is in FACT, two of the lovely (not to mention, lively) ladies who work in San Francisco's infamous Mitchell Bros Theatre. The place was once described by the legendary author Dr Hunter S Thompson as "The Carnegie Hall Of Sex", and visited by countless students of the female form including Or Steven Tyler of Aerosmith prior to commencing work on 'Pump' - until his wife Teresa found out! It's the kinda place where naked girls will crawl over you for a dollar - and if you hide the dollar really well, you can have hours of fun: HARGH! Star attraction is a place called the Ultra Room, behind whose glass wall, girls, er... parade for the benefit of notetaking onlookers breathing on the glass.
While Faith Wo More take their Summer vacation, Steffan Chirazi pulled out all the stops to cajole Big Jim into undertaking this exacting series of tests within the Ultra Room, where men - and FNM guitarists are normally forbidden.
"Look here my man," he protests. "I will only undertake it if it's in the interests of science - and for YOU THE READERS!" he added sideways at the camera as he was being chained up.
True, it was a dirty Job. But Jim was just the man to do it. Special thanks to Nancy Hamson, the Mitchell Bros Theatre and Jim's two accomplices for their time and co-operation.
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